WINDING DOWN?

Not sure I'll be blogging as much these days...winter is here.  Though you wouldn't know it from the weather.  Sunshine...and warm enough for Miss Creative to grow broccoli and petunias in the front yard.  (They're not doing very well, actually.  I think she's lost her green thumb---maybe the other fingers, too.)  And there's no snow.  Of course.  But my gizzard knows it's winter.  Time to settle in, sleep, dream.  I'll let Miss Creative take over on the blogging for now.  It's the Wendy Watson Blog.  Visit her at  http://thewendywatsonblog.blogspot.com.  Give Miss Creative the illusion that she's...oh, INTERESTING or something...(yawn).  Me?  I'm (yawn) off to my nest...

COOPERATION...UGH

What choice did I have?  Cooperate...or lose my blog altogether.  I'm cooperating.  With Miss Creative.  (Whom I am now supposed to tell you is Wendy Watson, Illustrator and Author of Books for Children.  Such a ridiculous, pompous long title.)  Not useful.  Cooperation, I mean.  Takes too long.  Too much fuss and bother.  Too much talking with others.  And  I never get my way  And no one likes....  Oh.  Look at the sunset.

I'm going out for a fly-around...soothe my jangled nerves...

TIMES ARE CHANGING...

Too many things to think about.  Miss Creative is apparently starting her OWN BLOG.  The wretched copycat.  She never would have thought of it if I hadn't done it first.  And it sounds like she's expecting MY blog to cooperate with HER blog somehow...and she's even started up on Facebook (whatever THAT is) and is expecting ME to be on Facebook with HER.  ON HER FACEBOOK SITE.  Can you imagine???
(I have to admit that I have been thinking lately about retiring.  This blogging and travelling about has worn me down to skin and bones.  I've lost even more feathers.  In fact I'm practically bald.  My hat blew away twice.  My shoes are full of holes.)
On the other hand, if I retire, who is going to keep track of that---that ridiculous creature and all her---all her shenanigans???

In the meantime, here's the new washer/dryer after its first load of laundry:

Here the crew is working on the roof:

And here the new roof is done---all ready for me to perch on tonight.  It's the perfect color, I must say---even if Miss Creative is the one who picked it out...

As for all that blogging and facebooking nonsense...well, you may never hear from me EVER  again...

BEFORES & AFTERS

Lots of goings-on around here.  Officialdom, first, of course.  Even we owls understand about that.  So---automobile registrations and licenses.  

Before:

 After:

Next, landscaping.  Plants for the front yard bed.  Well, that was the original plan, at least. But now there are going to be roofers throwing shingles down all over the place.  (So messy, those roofers.)  Therefore, plants for the front yard pots.  

Before:

After:

And lastly---Miss Creative never can get organized, so the washer-dryer saga continues.  NOW the washer and dryer are going to be inside, not outside.  (And let's hope that Miss Creative doesn't change her mind again about this.  For her sake.  Which really means, for my sake.  I'm the one who ends up living with her mistakes, after all.) Since SHE never tells ME about anything ahead of time, I couldn't get my "before" picture for this one. 

In-the-middle:

Not-quite-after:

Tune in later for the FINAL-AFTER picture for this one.

NOT AGAIN!

Why haven't you heard from me for a while?  Because THOUGHTLESS, INSENSITIVE, SELFISH Miss Creative has been hogging the computer again.  I mean, REALLY HOGGING IT.  (Sorry, Hogs. That's just a figure of speech.  You Hogs really aren't hogs.  It's Miss Creative who is so...so...well, so HOGGISH.)  Just think of all the wonderful blog entries that I haven't been able to make.  And what does Miss Creative have to show for all those computer hours?  She says there's a revised sketch dummy for her book called "ONE BROWN TEDDY" buried in all this mess:

Well, if there is a dummy in there, I sure can't find it.  Another one of dear Miss Creative's fantasies, no doubt...

A DIVERSION

I haven't seen THAT CAT for days.  There are all kinds of places where he could be hiding. (Too many places.  Miss Creative still hasn't put anything away.)  But actually I think he's gone.  Not that I care.  He means nothing to me.

Oh.  I guess I was wrong.  Too bad...oops.  I mean...well...thank goodness he's fine...(JUST IN CASE MISS CREATIVE READS THIS...)

DEMOLITION DAY

Miss Creative of course did not bother to tell me this was going to happen.  (Or even ask me if I cared.)  But it did.  TODAY.  And what happened?  The destruction of my house.  Thanks to the OMNI-PROFICIENT ONE.  Or actually thanks to insensitive, thoughtless, stupid Miss Creative  (oops---I forgot this was a public blog) So---thanks to just plain Miss Creative, who hired the OPO to do it.  I went outside to watch.  At first.  But it was too...stressful?  (And maybe too...exciting?  If a newer, better house should replace it?)  

So I watched from inside.  Through the kitchen window.  

First the roof...then the walls...

...now the floor...

...and then... 

...nothing left at all.  Except a big colony of black widow spiders.  Living right underneath MY HOUSE (see how convenient it would have been?).  In that grassy area you see.  I plan to...um...visit them...later on.  I've had a craving lately for...well, for candy.  (And if you don't know what I mean by all that...well, check out my blog "ALARMS".  I don't want to have to explain it all over again.)  Maybe that will somehow take my mind off the whole HOUSE PROBLEM...

PEACE & QUIET

Finally.  Miss Creative is back at work.  On a book, that is.  What a relief.  No more of that horrible unpacking.  (At least for now.  I hope.)  No more rustling paper.  Ripping plastic.  Thudding cardboard boxes.  No more mounds of STUFF to trip over and get lost in.  (Well, there are still lots of those.  But at least I know my way around now.  No more NEW mounds of stuff.)  No more of HER moans and groans...

Wait a minute.  Moans and groans.  Plenty of those when Miss Creative works on a book, too.  (Unlike ME.  I never moan and groan.  About anything.  I'm always upbeat and optimistic.  And cheerful.)  But still.  Things are much better this way.  Calmer.  More...normal.  (Yawn.)  I think I'll go sunbathe on the couch for a while...

BACKTRACKING

I knew Miss Creative was making a stupid mistake.  Ordering three appliances in one day, I mean.  Today I found out that she ended up cancelling the washer and dryer.  Too bad she didn't listen to me in the first place.  Could have saved herself a lot of trouble.  

I tried to tell her, of course.  Hook up a brand-new dryer and washer outdoors?  RIDICULOUS.  But when does Miss Creative ever listen to ME?  (Actually it seems that a lot of people here DO put their washers and dryers outdoors.  But that's beside the point.)  So now there's no washer and dryer at all.  Not that I care.  I never use a washer and dryer.  A complete waste.  Totally unnecessary.  Just fly around in a rainstorm.  (Wearing your clothes, of course.)  Then do wing flaps and bough jumps until dry.  Although...that might not work for Miss Creative...

MORE CHANGES

Remember that big gaping hole in the kitchen?  As of 9:30 this morning---no more hole.  Now it looks like this:

It never mattered to me, of course.  Whether there was a stove, I mean.  (I eat everything...um...raw.)  But Miss Creative seems quite excited.  About cooking and baking with her new stove.  Though I see she is going out for dinner tonight.  Well, with HER, things don't often make sense, do they?

METAMORPHOSIS

The OMNI-PROFICIENT-ONE finished attacking the back-yard jungle yesterday afternoon.  I had to check up on his work, of course.  See how many mistakes he had made.  So I decided to brave the heat.  Venture outside.  (It was cooler by then.  I love sun and heat, but even I have my limits.) 

I couldn't believe my eyes.  The place was TRANSFORMED!

Now Miss Creative can begin on my house...

UH-OH

A short time ago I just happened to peek into Miss Creative's studio.  And what did I see?  THIS:

Now you know what happens when you first organize your entire studio; and then go out and buy three (3) appliances (a washer, a dryer, and a stove).  All in the same day.  Me?  I spent my time much more sensibly.  As follows:  Sunbathing.  Watching (through the window---didn't go out into the heat---a bit too much, even for me) the OMNI-PROFICIENT-ONE as he weed-whacked the yard.  Nibbling on tasty snacks.  Now I'm off to bed.  Miss Creative, on the other wing, still has to wash the dishes and clean up the living room.  Bad planning on her part, I say.

PROGRESS

The OMNI-PROFICIENT-ONE came today.  (Much more accurate word than "handyman".)  First task on his list---well, Miss Creative's list---was replacing the toilet.  (I never mince words.  As you know.)  And I was going to help the OMNI-PROFICIENT-ONE.   Point out all his mistakes.   Make tactful suggestions.  (I'm very diplomatic, after all.  And knowledgeable about toilets.)  That was my plan, anyway.  Before I saw him.  After I saw him...well, my plan changed.  Because...um...well, because he was way over six feet tall.   

So I helped Miss Creative organize her studio instead.  (In the middle of it all, Miss Creative got a headache.  Can you believe it?  No stamina.  She had to go lie down.  It was nothing to do with me, of course.)  But I did manage to check up on things just as the OMNI-PROFICIENT-ONE was about finished.  He had done a terrific job, I had to admit.  Even without my superior   Even without my suggestions.   

RELIEF

Miss Creative is in a MUCH better mood today.  CALMER.  She went shopping.  It seems to have cheered her up.  She bought:
TRASH CAN (good---lots of trash around here)
OUTDOOR HOSE (good---for that dried-up yard)
BANANAS (???---and they're probably cooked after travelling in the hot car from the store to here)
LONG OUTDOORS EXTENSION CORD (good---for that weed-whacking)
DUSTBUSTER (good---plenty of dust here needs busting)
SUN REFLECTOR FOR CAR WINDSHIELD (good---the next purchase of bananas won't be Baked Bananas before they get home)
NEW LATCHES TO KEEP INTERIOR DOORS SHUT (bad---makes it hard for me  to silently snoop and eavesdrop  to...um...to vacuum the whole house...um...in a hurry...) (ACTUALLY, WHEN DID I LAST VACUUM THE HOUSE?  EVEN NOT IN A HURRY?)  ( In fact, have I ever vacuumed the house?)

ALARMS

Poor Miss Creative.  Wait.  Did I just say that?  "Poor" Miss Creative?  Not "ridiculous" Miss Creative?  Or "absurd" Miss Creative?  I must be...softening.  Not a good sign.  Anyway.  Miss Creative has been...well, over-reacting to things.  All day long.  The first episode was about the "evidence of fire ants" in the back yard.  But look at this photo.  There are No Actual Fire Ants in sight.  (Or ants of any other kind, for that matter.)  This "evidence" could have been caused by any number of things.  Like...um...high temperatures?  Cactus spines?  The neighborhood dog barking?  Probably nothing at all to do with fire ants.  And even if it is fire ants---so what?  Maybe they're...tasty.

The next episode was over these five-foot weeds in the back yard.   I'm not fond of weeds myself.  They're a pathetic specimen of the plant world.  Nothing like pine trees---or even oaks or maples.  But you humans are always chain-sawing things down.  Mowing things down.  Weed-whacking things down.  Why not just put one of those infernally noisy machines to work for a few minutes?  Presto.  No more weeds.  So QUICK AND EASY.  (But not for Miss Creative, of course.)

The next meltdown was about the "black widow spiders".  Look at this photo.  A close-up of one of our house windows.   Do you see Miss Creative's black widow spider?  No?  That is because there is no black widow spider there.  Black widow spiders do live in this climate.  I've seen them.  And I'm DELIGHTED about that.  Those crunchy black morsels are...well, they're candy for folks like me.  Nocturnal morsels.  As I am.  (Nocturnal, that is.  Not a morsel.)  So convenient.  But poor Miss Creative---oops.  There I go again.  Pitiful Miss Creative---NO.  Stupid Miss Creative over-reacted again.  One black widow spider under a pile of leaves doesn't mean thousands creeping all over the house and yard.  (Unfortunately.  What a repast THAT would be.) 

I'm not sure how much more I can stand.  The episodes, I mean.  Right now Miss Creative is having tea and cookies.  Let's hope she...well, takes a nap.  Or something.  For my sake, at least.

  

THE TRIP: DAY SIX

12:37 p.m.

Home at last!

THE TRIP: DAY FIVE

More big BIG skies today.  Too bad about That CAT being on the trip.  If it weren't for him, Miss Creative wouldn't have had to be in such a HURRY on this trip.  And then I would have had time to take lots of photographs of everything I've seen.  Like all the creatures:  rabbits, hares, falcons, hawks, cattle, horses, crows, turkey buzzards, armadillos, squirrels, woodchucks.  (These are all the LIVE creatures I've seen.  I'm not counting the ones that...well, I'm not counting my snacks and meals.)  And the miles and acres of crops:  grapes in New York and Pennsylvania.  Corn in Ohio and Indiana and Illinois.  Cattle in Oklahoma and Texas.  And all the trees bent permanently to the north in Oklahoma and Texas---from the wind.  (No wonder they have so many windmills there.)  Tonight we are in Gallup, New Mexico.  And tomorrow we will arrive in Phoenix.  I actually think I'm going to almost be sorry when the trip is over...

THE TRIP: DAY FOUR

I am now now under the BIG skies of Texas...well, Miss Creative too...and that dratted CAT of course...

  

Here we're finishing up our in-room dinner (courtesy of MacDonalds)... 

  That is, Miss Creative and I are finishing up.  That CAT is eating HIS dinner in complete privacy (which means, in the darkened bathroom, under the sink), so he won't freak out.  (And by "freak out" I mean, he won't eat.  Very bizarre.  I can't imagine anything interfering with MY appetite.) Later Miss Creative will go off to the INDOOR POOL.  And I will watch for tasty...um, flying things...out the open window (no canned air, at least for tonight, thank goodness)...

THE TRIP: DAY THREE

We've stopped for the night.  Near Springfield, Missouri.  And I'm looking at this huge pine tree right next to our motel doorway. 

Maybe it will make up a bit for the less than desirable qualities---all right, sleaze and grime---of our room.  A big black fly buzzing around---no, TWO big black flies.  No---THREE big black flies.  (Actually, the flies have now been, um, taken care of.  By me.)  The pool Miss Creative was so looking forward to?  Out of commission.  The next-door restaurant?  Closed.  The valet and coin laundry?  Non-existent.  Not that Miss Creative was planning to do laundry.  But who am I to complain?  This is our only dud in hotel rooms...so far...

THE TRIP: DAY TWO

Here we are in...Ohio, I guess.  (Miss Creative doesn't let me see her papers about the trip and where we are.  I mean...I did see them, but...well, I can't remember where we were supposed to be on Day Two.  Or on any other day.  And I can't go poking around in her stuff when she's right there watching me.  I have my standards, after all.)

Here's our hotel room.  Already reduced to a shambles by you know who.  (In other words, NOT ME.)  We've only been in it for ten minutes.  So what else is new?  More tomorrow...

THE TRIP: DAY ONE

Miss Creative and I packed the car yesterday.  (Notice that Miss Creative's brand new backpack is even more embarrassing than mine.) 


Actually Miss Creative packed the car by herself. 

I made lots of good suggestions about how to pack the car.  But of course SHE paid no attention whatsoever.  

In fact she got very annoyed at me.  I have no idea WHY.

Well, that was yesterday.  Today we completed the first leg of our trip to Phoenix.  We're now at our hotel in Rochester, New York.  Or maybe it's Syracuse.  Or Buffalo.  Or somewhere.  Miss Creative drove, of course.  (No chance of me ever being allowed to even touch the wheel.)  But I have to hand it to her.  She always keeps to the speed limit.  (Well, maybe she goes a tiny bit over the speed limit.  Even so, our vehicle is always the slowest one on the road.)  Right now dear Miss Creative is off playing in the heated indoor pool and the hot tub, after which she's ordering a steak dinner at the restaurant.  (I didn't realize she was such a ...such a sybarite.)  She left ME behind in the hotel room.  All alone.  Except for that CAT.  (Not that he's ever a problem for me.  All I have to do is snap my beak at him.  Makes him cower under the bed for hours.)  Ooops---here she comes.  Got to shut this down.  Try to look sad and lonely...  

INCREDIBLE

I don't think we'll ever make it to Phoenix.  There was this heap of papers lying around on Miss Creative's desk.  All of her scribblings and scratchings about the trip.  (I just happened to look through them this morning.  I couldn't help it.  I practically had to fly through them just to get to my breakfast.)  So.  Our second night on the road is supposed to be in Vandalia, Ohio.  But guess where dear Miss Creative booked the motel?  In---you won't believe it---Vandalia, ILLINOIS.  A problem.  For sure.  Because when we arrive in Vandalia, OHIO (assuming that we ever do arrive there) the motels in Vandalia, OHIO probably won't allow that wretched cat (who unfortunately is travelling in the car with me) into their rooms.  If there's even a room available for dear Miss Creative herself in Vandalia, OHIO.  Since she hasn't made a reservation in Vandalia, OHIO.  Should I point all this out to her?  I can try.  But you know that she never listens to me.  

I wonder what other stupid mistakes Miss Creative has made with the travel plans???  I'm getting a very bad feeling about this trip...

ONCE AGAIN...

Bad news.  Bird Lady is still here.  Haven't managed---YET---to, um, carry out my plans about that...little difficulty.  Too much of a hodge-podge going on here.  All because Miss Creative suddenly decided yesterday.  That we are leaving for Phoenix on SUNDAY.  The day after tomorrow.   And she is driving us in her car.  (She didn't bother to ask me.  Or even tell me.  I  was eavesdropping  just happened to overhear her talking on the phone.  She was making motel reservations.)  Inconsiderate of her.  (As usual.)  There were all sorts of things I wanted to do before we left.  Like...well, like my Bird Lady problem.  Now I can't.  Too much ruckus and distraction.

Of course if it were just ME, everything would be completely organized.  Neat and tidy.  Not like that...that MESS  you see up there.  But do I have any control over what Miss Creative does?  NO.  Not sure if I'll survive this...       

RECONSIDERING...

Not sure I can go through with my plan about Bird Lady.  Just thinking about all that sawdust and stuff...

...It makes my gizzard start to.....Uh oh...it's happening again...gotta go...

SO MUCH FOR THAT...

 This LOOKS dramatic, doesn't it?  The rough wild ocean after the hurricane?  Well, I was there.  And it was a big disappointment.   People were surfing in those waves.   In fact I was planning to surf them myself, except  luckily  unfortunately I had...um...forgotten my surfboard.  And all those weather predictions?  120 mile per hour winds?  Flooding?  Trees falling over?  Power outages?  Well, it didn't happen.  (Really embarrassing for the forecasters.   They'll probably lose their jobs.  Serves them right.  I went to a lot of trouble, and even dislodged a few feathers, just to secure my belongings before the storm.  All for nothing.)  Anyway I've got more important things to think about.  Bird Lady.  And that letter she wrote to Miss Creative.  There's this one part....
  

...and it's given me an idea.  Bird Lady could just...disappear.  Even though she's WOODEN.  Ugh.  Very unappetizing.  Probably indigestible.  But a stomach ache...might be a small price to pay...for a solution to my problem....

HURRICANES...

As you probably know, Miss Creative and her sister and her sister's children will be experiencing Hurricane Earl tomorrow.  (So will lots of other people.  And pines.  And chipmunks.)  But there's another hurricane that you don't know about.  Going on at the same time.  The hurricane inside ME, Bessie Beetum.  And the cause of this?  Bird Lady.  This is how it happened.  Miss Creative is getting her things organized.  (That's what SHE calls it, anyway.  I call it making a bad mess worse.)  Anyway.  Dear Miss Creative left a whole lot of stuff all over the place.  So of course I just couldn't help  snooping through everything and discovering---oops, I mean stumbling across completely by accident this...well, this thing called Bird Lady.  (I can hardly spit out the name.)

 Did you ever see such---such frivolous, SILLY clothing?  Such a grotesque, weird wooden creature?  Nestled inside a box that is lined with pink tissue paper?  (I almost feel sick to my gizzard.)  But there's something much worse.  

 This letter from Bird Lady to Miss Creative that  I discovered under a stack of...er, that just happened to come fluttering right under my beak.   I can't bear to repeat all the---the sweet talk---that it contains.  But look at the signature.

My crop is churning.  Miss Creative never wrapped ME in pink tissue paper.  She never saved any letters from ME.  (Not that I ever wrote her any.  And if I did I certainly wouldn't sign myself "Yours forever."  But that's beside the point.)  Obviously Miss Creative has fallen completely under the spell of this...this insincere, toadying Bird Lady.   I fear the worst.  It's obvious.  I've been supplanted by Bird Lady in Miss Creative's...oh, I can't even think about it anymore....

AMBIVALENCE

I've been having second thoughts.  Even third thoughts.  Do I actually use my new travel pack---and in public?  Or just keep it hidden in the closet?  It's so...well, it's so GARISH.  Tasteless.  TACKY.  Gaudy.  Conspicuous.  VULGAR.

But it's the only present I've ever been given.

I just can't make up my mind.

FLABBERGASTED

Miss Creative's sister and her two children GAVE ME A PRESENT.  Me.  Bessie Beetum.  Can you believe it?????

A special travel pack.  Just for me.  For my trip Miss Creative's and my trip back to Phoenix.  No one EVER EVER gave me a present before.  (The candy cane that Santa Claus put into my foraging basket one Christmas doesn't count.  Even though it was my size.  I hate candy canes.  Santa Claus should have known.  It's still in my foraging bag.  Probably mummified by now.)

I looked over the travel pack.  It's got 3 (THREE) separate pockets.  Two of them with zippers.  With string pulls on the zippers.  And the front pocket has a...well, a lid.  And it's lined with fuzz.  I'll keep my reading glasses in there.  There's just one problem.  What about the...the flowers?  They're...well, they're...NOT DIGNIFIED.  Much too BRIGHT.  Too COLORFUL.  They don't go with the rest of me at all. 


I don't care. I am GOING TO USE THIS TRAVEL PACK.  It's so...so PERFECT.  (Except for the flowers, of course.)  It's just going to take me time to...to get used to...well, the embarrassment.  Everyone's going to laugh at me...

MORE RAIN...

It's pouring rain...again...not a good day for...um, hunting.    (The, er, prey---well, the CHIPMUNKS---are staying under cover in this downpour.)  Though I do plan to get out for a good brisk fly-around later in the day.

Time now for a quick snack out of my larder...more later.